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HomeSportsChip Kelly taking consulting gig — what a near-retiree would do

Chip Kelly taking consulting gig — what a near-retiree would do

All the outrage over an old head coach quitting to take a cushy consulting/coordinating job is a bit much. Chip Kelly’s move from head coach of the UCLA Bruins to leading one of the most talented offenses in the country at Ohio State is exactly how I would want to spend my later years if he were a football coach.

Think about it. Chip doesn’t have to worry about a roster full of kids flirting with the transfer portal, who gets how much NIL money, or facing the firing squad after losses. Kelly also doesn’t have to annually contend with a younger version of himself at USC, figure out the mechanics of changing conferences or push for his team’s place in the College Football Playoff standings. He’s 60 years old, for God’s sake.

This is fortuitous for Kelly, who only got the job because Bill O’Brien decided to return to coaching full time and conned the Buckeyes into trying to resurrect Boston College. After breaking out as a head coach in the NFL, O’Brien spent the last three or four years doing what Kelly is about to do: leading a top-notch group with little to no responsibility.

Life as a retreading trainer is incredibly amazing. If only every failed coach had Kelly’s self-awareness. He knows he peaked out of him in Oregon, lost his fastball in Philly, and could probably get one good year out of four in Los Angeles until the AD finally fires him. Why go through all that hard work and stress if it’s clear you won’t make it to the promised land as the de facto leader?

Look at Dan Quinn. Sure, he’s going to screw over Washington, but the last few years running the Cowboys defense were the best of his life. He could sit in a suite, be the cool guy with the hat backwards, coach Micah Parsons, and fail after giving up 48 points to a quarterback making his first career playoff start. That could be Chip in a couple of years if he really wanted it, and who knows if he wants it.

So stop being such a prude about Kelly supposedly abandoning her team. If anything, he’s doing the Bruins a favor by stepping aside realizing his heart isn’t in it. No one wants to work for a boss who is not invested, unless you are not invested either, in which case a non-invested boss is the ideal boss.

However, this is college football where the hopes, dreams and optimism of youth have not been stifled by the dross of existence. The amount of commitment Generation Z requires is exhausting. Nobody wants to make TikToks and show them off for cell phone cameras. Let Kelly put it in a box, with the visor undone, and draw plays on cocktail napkins.

It feels like he’s entering his John Daly/Don Nelson phase, where he shows up, says a few lines, and gets a lot of credit for just “still doing it.” Do you know what kind of luxury it is to have someone as above-average as Chip Kelly calling plays? He’s similar to Bobby Flay running your grill station.

Sure, you’d never trust him with the entire menu, but he can take the bejesus out of a skirt steak when it’s his sole responsibility. Trust me, UCLA, you’ll be better off starting over.

Patrick Beverly… good sir

On the list of things the Milwaukee Bucks needed, Patrick Beverly was second to last (just ahead of Doc Rivers). Oh yeah, nothing ingratiates you with new teammates more than grabbing a clipboard and acting like you haven’t been on six different rosters since 2020.

I’d say Pat Bev should leave it, but the longer she’s on a list, the less chance I’ll have of adding her First shot claims.

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